Adrian Brody, star of the Pianist, was sat in his scummy bedsit. He waddled to the fridge and opened it. It was devoid of content except for a buzzing noise and a jar of very old mayonnaise, which had become separated and green. He opened the jar; the putrid smell filling the cold flat. He gagged, but was still tempted to dip a finger. He resisted, placing the jar back in the fridge for another more desperate day.
He wobbled down his street, pavement slabs cracking under his massive bulk, throwing cracked concrete into the faces of passers by. He was a man on a mission.
He arrived at Lidl. He knew he had no money, so shoplifting was his last remaining option. The security in Lidl was always very lacklustre, due to the staff's lack of basic English skills. He dashed down the first aisle, stuffing bags of crisps and chocolate bars under his grey Umbro hoodie. He grabbed a frozen chicken, smoked salmon, and tins of sweetcorn, stuffing them in every cavity of his person. He sighed under the weight of the stolen produce.
A spotty security guard spotted him. Fuck's sake, thought Brody, and he attempted to leg it... but alas, he fell, crashing hard to the ground. His last thought was trying to work out if the warm slurry in his pants was stolen butter or fecal matter.
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